?םליחה
"Slee-KHAH?"
"Excuse me?"
Strange Conversations I've Had in the Past Week
#1
El Al Agent: Ken, hello?
Me: Shalom, can you tell me about early check-in, please? We don't hold Israeli passports. I'm American and my husband is Czech. Can we still participate?
El Al: Hmm, rak shnia.
[Folk music plays mercilessly, while I'm on hold.]
El Al: Are you a terrorist?
Me: Beg pardon?
El Al: Are you a tourist?
Me, recovering: No, we live here. In Rehovot. Ok, not permanently. My husband has a student visa and mine is an accompanying visa.
El Al: Rak shnia.
[Five minutes of my life pass, which I will never get back.]
El Al: Aalo. Ok, the American passport is fine. Thank you.
Me: One Czech passport and one American passport.
El Al: Rak shnia. [Pause.] Ok, you can come with the American passport.
Me: ONE American passport. Ve gam ONE Czech passport. We are married. Lots of bags. Can we check in early, please?
El Al: Czech?
Me: Check-in! Czech-in!?
El Al: Rak shnia.
Me, hanging up: No, YOU rak shnia!
This, plus #5, is possibly the most useful phrase of all, here.
#2
Me: Hello?
Shipping Guy: Shalom, Erin?
Me: Who is this? If you're Ha'aretz, I don't want to subscribe. But you need my services as a copyeditor.
Shipping Guy: This is Whozit from Whatzit Shipping Company.
Me: Oh? Oh, right, the estimate.
Shipping Guy: Port-to-port, or door-to-door?
Me: There's no port in Prague!
Shipping Guy: [stunned silence]
Me: Oh, wait… Inland port. Never mind.
Shipping Guy: [briskly] Door to door?
Me: Yes, but we only have about fifteen medium-sized boxes. No furniture. Nothing else. Just boxes.
Shipping Guy: [grandly] I will come give you an estimate.
Me: For fifteen boxes?
Shipping Guy: How about Sunday morning?
Me: How do you like your coffee?
